the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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