just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
