Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
