Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
