Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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