I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
