I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
