i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
