the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
