Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
