New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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