just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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