we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
