party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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