I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
