Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
