ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
