Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
