i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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