I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
