I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
