You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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