she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
