She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
