Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we're making bets on your personal life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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