I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
