Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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