i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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