Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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