i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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