Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
