I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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