Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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