What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
