My first STD was from a foam party
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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