It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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