I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
