i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
