Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
