Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
