so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize