Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize