is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm like, not good at living.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
