i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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