But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
