i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
