we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I would fuck him just for his dog
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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