You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
