can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize