I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
