It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
