He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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