just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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