I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
