i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
