Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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