once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
