is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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