It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my sisters under your porch take her home
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
