Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
