May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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