yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
