Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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