I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
