i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
