She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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