Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
